Good morning coffee lovers and tea sippers! Welcome to another release of The Coffee Talk, the newspaper where I talk about my dreams and passions, as well as my fears and strengths! In today’s blog post, I want to share with you 20 things I learned in 20 years as it is my 20th birthday :) I hope you’ll find encouragement in those words and lessons and maybe you’ll even write a list like this for yourself. Sometimes it’s just awesome to review what you have achieved to see your personal development and identity creating. Now get yourself your hot beverage and join me for some inspirational thoughts. Warning: This is a long one. Sorry, not sorry.
My Top Twenties 🔢
Stop Caring What People Think
We’re starting with a deep one, I know. It sounds pretty simple, but it’s very hard for some people. People like me, for instance. I used to care a lot about what people thought about me and what they possibly whispered about behind my back. I felt the need to dress in a certain way, behave in a specific manner, and talk like I am no different than them. All just because I was afraid of dirty looks and what they may say about me. It’s almost like they pushed me to be someone I’m most definitely not. One important thing to recognize about this, though, is that it’s not about other people. This problem was born in my head and had nothing to do with my classmates or others. I learned that other people don’t care about you as much as you do, and I mean this in the best way possible. No one, literally no one cares about your clothes, your hair, your behavior, or your way of talking as much as you do. Always be aware of that. Stop caring what people think because you’re most definitely not their number one thought and their prior focus.
Be Stronger Than Your Excuse 💪🏼
This sentence has been following me around for years. It originates from a teaching at a youth weekend that talked about reading the Bible. Being stronger than your excuse means you can always find an excuse why you didn’t read the Bible or why you didn’t compliment your loved ones today. It really goes with a lot of different things. Being stronger means conquering that excuse and asking yourself why you didn’t do it. Why didn’t you call your friend today when they really needed it? Why didn’t you clean the kitchen although your parents expected you to? Or, and that’s what this encouraging and empowering sentence is saying, why didn’t you read your Bible today? Just ten minutes. Or five, even. If you think you didn’t have enough time for it, then why is your screen time at 4 hours today? See, you can always make excuses. However, try to be stronger than them. Give yourself a little nudge.
Know You're Enough 😚
I’d say this is the most important thing I’ve learned so far. Actually, I have to correct myself. I should be writing this in the present tense. It is still a subject I am struggling with from time to time, and that’s why I love having people around me who remind me of my value in moments where I need to hear it most. You and me, we are enough. We don’t have to achieve anything in order to be enough. If you don’t believe me, one of the very first verses in the Bible already proves my statement: Genesis 1, 31 says, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good [NIV]”. Combined with God’s concept of grace and His love for us, the answer is easy. I am more than enough. You are more than enough. And if you struggle to believe that sometimes, write it on your mirror and say it to your face every day when you wake up. Instead of lies controlling your life, speak the truth about yourself.
Listen To Advice 👂🏼
Every time I write down some thoughts on these bullet points, I have the urge to say that this is crucial. BUT IT REALLY IS. Listen to advice. Let other people speak into your life. Growing up, those advice-givers are your parents. But even as a grown-up, they still know a lot more about life than you do and have gone through similar issues and situations as you are stuck in right now. I know that if my parents give me advice (even if I didn’t ask them for it), it’s because they want the best for me. Nonetheless, it’s also a good idea to look out for a leader. Some kind of mentor that knows your heart, that you can trust, and that tries to support you as much as they can. Listening to advice can turn your whole life upside down. For the better.
Writing Down Thoughts Is Therapeutic 📝
Maybe this one is just for me, but you can’t deny it if you haven’t tried it yet. Writing down my thoughts is therapeutic for me because it helps me sort ideas, tidy up messes, and reorganize my focus points. By jotting down my feelings and emotions I can deal with them on a more profound level, and every time I decide to do it, the negative feelings slowly fade away. It is always helpful to end off with a prayer, or even make the whole sorting-out-messes-process a prayer. You’ll have time to recognize the problem by its root, form words to express yourself in a proper and stressless manner, and uproot it with Jesus. I highly encourage you to do this, just once and see what it does to you. You don’t have to be a good writer, and no other talents are required. You only have to be stronger than your excuse, not to do it ;)
You Are Allowed To Ask For Help 🙋🏼♂️
This is connected to listening to advice, but this time, you do your part. Sometimes people don’t just come up to you, see your issue and give you the right advice. That’s because you are not see-through, and people don’t watch you like a dog all the time. If you notice that you don’t know what to do, then get up and ask someone about it. Don’t be afraid to seek help, you are more than allowed to! Getting help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. My experiences with asking for help are extremely positive ones. However, sometimes I’m scared to do it. At root, I am still a basic man that doesn’t want to ask for help when putting together an IKEA chair. No, I don’t want to read the instructions, and I don’t want you to help me. I can do it by myself. Although this is a cruel example, it shows greatly how stubborn we can be. We have a problem with our pride. We are too proud to ask for help. Yet it would make us prosperous and successful.
Hang Out With People That Nourish Your Soul 👨👩👧👦
A lot of people are fun to be around. I have grown to be a man who has no problems with getting to know people and becoming acquaintances with them. This by itself is a remarkable skill, but it’s still vital to find out what people actually nourish your soul and strengthen yourself and your values, and what people destroy your identity. Choosing your friends wisely means scanning them from the bottom to the top and running away from toxicities and poor values. You make the equivalent of your five closest friends, and if you have close friends that destroy your soul instead of nourishing it and letting it shine, the fire inside you will eventually blow out. Find people that stick around, that remind you of their love towards you and give you hugs. And be that friend yourself.
You'll Discover Your Real Identity Through Jesus 🕵🏽♂️
Your real identity can’t be found in this world. Other people shouldn’t be able to tell you who to be. The identity you find in the world is an assortment of findings and lies, but your true identity that can only be found in Jesus is made of truths. I am still discovering my real identity, so that’s why I don’t know a lot about it yet. I just know these words are true:
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT
God wants you to stop identifying yourself by your sin and start embracing your new identity in Christ by operating in the Spirit.
Don't Let Their Words Get To You 💍
Bullies throw words at your face that cut deeper than a knife. At some point in my life, a dear friend told me to wear a ring of rebound. Imagine having a giant ring around your body that rejects every mean word and lets them bounce back to the bully. And every time a word you know is not true about yourself or is likely to get into your head and mess you up, just say “bam”. As a child, this really helped me. I actually said this “bam” sound out loud, and people were very irritated. But it worked. What I want to say with this is, don’t let their words get to you. It’s not worth it. They will bring lies into your life that are hard to recognize and then cast out, and that’s just exhausting. Try to ignore the laughter, the comments, the whispering. You are powerful.
Kids Don't Know What They're Saying 👶🏼
Going on with the mean words. Kids don’t have the slightest idea of what they’re saying. They don’t understand that words can hurt. They are brutally honest about their findings, and that means that comments like “that shirt is ugly” may or may not have some truth to them (at least in their eyes), but they are also quick to judge and don’t understand boundaries and kindness yet. Mean words aren’t meant to be mean, they just come out wrong. Growing up, I didn’t understand this. Now I do. One shouldn’t bully other kids, of course. This is not an excuse for bullying people in elementary school. But it is an explanation.
Be Brave 🤩
Pretty self-explanatory, innit? Be brave. Don’t be afraid to do it. Embrace yourself and don’t hold back. Too scared before a meeting because of some people you don’t know? Be brave. Go towards them and introduce yourself. Afraid to ask for help? Be brave. It will be worth it. Live boldly with Christ at the center.
Be Busy With Freedom 📆
Life’s too short to spend it all by yourself in your room. Alone time is, of course, needed and necessary, but if you feel like it only opens trap doors where feelings of depression, words of discouragement, or other dumb thoughts and temptations could enter your brain, then try to be around others. Boredom does more to you and your thoughts than you think. By being busy with freedom I mean finding things that keep you busy, but not in a tiring way. You still have a choice of what to do, whom to be with, or whatever. And it is a great distractor from dangerous traps.
Sports Makes You Feel Better 🚴🏼♂️
It’s true. Sports may be exhausting, and those daily workouts really take time and commitment, but afterward, you’ll feel so good. Worn out and tired, but a good tired.
Social Media Is A Waste Of Time 📱
I’m going to talk more about this subject in a future edition, so I’m going to leave this statement uncommented and very direct. But think about it yourself.
Growing Sometimes Means Growing Apart From People, And That's Okay ❤️🩹
We all walk on an endless path of development in life, and that sometimes means that your best friends grow apart from you, or you grow apart from them. You lose contact, you forget about them, you turn out to have different priorities and values and strivings. And that may suck because you cared about them, and it may hurt, but it is okay. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some relationships are just made to be fruitful and awesome at the moment, but they won’t stand every storm.
Learn How To Be Patient 😰
To be honest, I struggle with patience regularly. I’m not a very patient person. I wasn’t as a kid, and I still am learning to become one. Being impatient means not being able to sleep because you are so excited for this event to finally come. Being impatient means being super excited for a specific thing, probably more than actually having/seeing/experiencing the “thing” when the day arrives. To give just one example, I would’ve loved to fly to the States a week ago and visit different families and have my own little reunion with the vacation destination I fell in love with years ago. I was so sure that this would be God’s plan for my life after the military, and I started to get very excited about it, only for the plans to break into a thousand pieces and with that, allow disappointment to join the emotions in my heart. It obviously wasn’t God’s plan for me to go there right now. And I have learned to understand that his plans are bigger, higher, and better than mine. Now I’m just really excited to go back another time, without making secret plans and wishes in my head. It will all come at its time.
Invest In Others Just As Much As In Yourself 🌱
Paying attention to your mental health and your personal growth is extremely crucial. I think we all can agree on that. But I am thankful to know that investing in other people is just as blossoming. Sowing is the most important part of a harvest. No seeds, no goods. And after having sown, there will come a time of waiting for the plants to grow. This season requires patience, investment, and continuity in order to turn out successful. You need to water your seeds. Only by watering your seeds, you will see a result in the end. Some seeds take a few months, others take decades. Even if you won’t be able to harvest the plants because it’s after your time, you built an awesome foundation. So: invest in people. Pray for them. Have dinner with them. Ask them how they are 7x7 times. Don’t stop watering them. Be patient with them. It will be worth it.
Always Be Thankful 😘
I believe that I am THE WORST at expressing my thankfulness. I don’t know where that thought comes from, maybe it’s a lie too, but I always feel like I haven’t said thank you enough. I often find myself in situations where someone did something just for me and I thank them wholeheartedly, but I still end up feeling like crap. Like I give hugs and kisses and a thousand thank you’s, but it doesn’t feel sufficient. At least I understood this principle of being thankful (lol). I am (most of the time), but I’m still learning how to express it. Don’t take anything you’re given for granted. Be thankful for every little thing.
You Are Beautiful Just The Way You Are 💯
You are enough also means that you are beautiful. You are a pretty woman of God. You are a handsome man of God. He made you in His image and says you are smoking hot. I’m sure he does. Your body is stunning. Every curve and every wrinkle is good. If you hate your body, you hate on God’s work. And you don’t want to do that. This doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to get fit or lose weight, but think about why you do it. There are many people out there telling their stories about how they got skinnier, but the happiness did not return. Losing weight doesn’t make you happier. It will never be exactly the way you want it. That’s just a human concept, we always strive for more. But if you learn to accept your body, you will discover and unravel its beauty. And it is really pretty. You look amazing today.
Read Your Bible And Dwell On Its Promises 📖
I have no clue how many promises there are in the Bible, but I’m sure there’s at least one or two you need to hear today. I’m going to let you discover them by yourself, but some of them are already hidden in this blog post. Never get tired of reading your Bible and don’t forget what God has promised us. Joshua 1:8 says, “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Even though I’m struggling with this lesson, I know it is incredible. It’s challenging to keep going, but especially in days of drought, this lesson is super useful.
Be Blessed 👑
Again, I’m a little bit sorry this was so time-consuming, but then again, I think there were so many good things. And believe me, I could go on with this list. I could also continue to write down my thoughts and explanations to them, but this already took me three hours, so maybe I should put an end to it. It’s also 1:19 am, so bedtime is overdue. I wish you the best Sunday and may God bless you,
Nici