Hey friend and welcome back to my blog! Today’s topic is going to be something I wish I had had more information on when growing up, and I have only recently been dealing with it quite a lot: identity. Different from other subjects, this post is going to be a lot closer to Scripture and the truths found in it—the root of my bold approach to talking about kingdom identity. Fasten your seatbelts because we are going on a roller coaster of emotions, experiences, and the basics of who you are because of who God is.
Identity Theft 🥷🏼
Frankly, it is odd to write about a theme I don’t have a wide knowledge of, but since I have been spending a lot of time learning more about identity this past year, I feel urged to speak on it. Talking to friends and people I look up to, I have been told several times that they wish they had been at this point in life at the age of twenty, and I struggle to understand this. It took me over nineteen years to comprehend basic knowledge as an heir of the kingdom, and you think this is fast? I understand that to the outstanding eye, it can appear like one has it all together, but that is most certainly not the case with me. Though I knew the Lord, I was a lost sheep for a long time. Somewhere in the fields, trying to make sense of it all. Not faith, I never doubted what I saw and felt and heard. But who I was. I lacked the knowledge that true identity is found in Christ Jesus, who has made us a new creation through his shame-bearing act on that cross.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV
I remember singing Who You Say I Am frequently as a teenager, but the meaning of the words has never spoken to me as much as right now. I did not know that I am who You say I am. I knew some of my qualities, some of my traits—mostly my bad traits. That includes being a know-at-all, not being reliable, and being forgetful. These are three depictions I would use to describe my personality in a nutshell when I was around twelve years old. How my parents managed to raise me into the fellow I am now (still imperfect, though much different, I would argue), is a mystery never to be unraveled. Looking back, my teenage years were a waste of time for the most part. I let my identity be defined by the world and the people around me. I never questioned much what they said about me. Yes, I knew that the insults were not quite appropriate, and I refused to accept certain statements. However, I still believed so much crap. Although I believed in God and knew that he loved me and he accepted me, I longed to be accepted by the world. Not by becoming rich and famous, but by mere friendly acceptance. Having good friends. Feeling welcomed wherever I went. Being confirmed as a man, as a son. Having people laugh at my jokes. Being invited to parties, to hang-outs. Obviously, some of these longings developed from being picked on as a kid, but they also make it clear that I was not aware of what truly matters. Back to my identity as an adolescent, here are some notes I took two months ago on the question “Where have you been getting your sense of identity from?”:
I was bullied in school, and I felt like I did not have a voice. Nobody cared about me.
I believed many lies, such as “you’re not good enough” or “you’re not loved”. I often heard terms like “feminine”, “gay”, or “different from other boys”, which had a big influence on my life. Words are powerful.
I thought that my identity stemmed from my outward appearance. Because no one seemed to care about the inside Nic, I built a wall around me using clothes. I am not going to lie, I dressed pretty well for a guy in my class. Of course, the 2010s were a rough decade for fashion (lol).
I received my sex education from my classmates, and believe me, it was not a good one.
I was wrong about my first point: not everyone hated me. I found acceptance with female friends. I didn’t have healthy connections to boys, and sadly I was not very close to my dad either. I wanted to belong so badly, I tried everything.
As described in my last post, some of these judgments are based on the spiritual power in my life I kicked out a few weeks ago called “The Kingdom of Self”. One big lie that carried my whole identity was a different one, though. I need to explain it with a quote:
The devil knows your name but calls you by your sin. God knows your sin but calls you by your name.
I believed I was as much worth as my “holy” life could balance out the sins I committed. The devil called me a sinner in a million languages, and I thought it was true. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am a sinner. But: My sins were my identity. It is only logical since early on I believed that my mistakes were who I was. ‘Nic, you struggle with this temptation, so that is who you are. Nic, you suck at maths. That is who you are. Nic, you sinned against God, he hates you now.’ That voice seemed to have a point. But I have some good news for you: I have found a new perspective that changed me from the inside out.
It’s Always Been You ❤️🔥
As previously stated, my teenage years were a waste of time with one tiny shimmer of hope: that continuous Sunday sermon momentum I built up with the years1. I knew that He was the good shepherd. I knew that I was a child of God. The problem was, it was head knowledge (or a grand part of it). Phrases like, “Jesus cares about you. He hears every word you speak, thus your prayers, concerns, and crying out. You are loved, welcomed, and accepted. He is enough”, made sense to me, but it wasn’t until this spring that I would swallow those truths once and for all and let them be impactful heart knowledge. And my perspective on my identity has changed drastically. I now know so many encouraging Bible verses on who I am and who I am called to be. I know that acceptance on earth is worthless, and what I really need is God’s intimacy. His approval is sufficient. The greatest thing is that Jesus didn’t wait for me to become perfect before he adopted me to sonship. Strangely enough, I had this immature judgment in my head until a few days ago. I had a prophetic dream where I saw a man that wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to turn my back on him, thinking, “he first has to improve” (I forget the context). Then, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Did I wait for you to become perfect before I agreed to take up residence in you? Did I wait for you to be without fault?”. “Of course not”, I thought to myself. “Then why would I expect others to be perfect before I accepted them?!” Maybe this sounds stupid to you, or you are in shock. I wasn’t aware that I had these thoughts. But when I woke up, it made so much sense to me. And two days later, I lived that prophecy in a situation, and I found peace when I obeyed God. He was teaching me to become more like him, and GOD AM I HAPPY ABOUT THAT! Take this as an encouragement: If God can talk to me and teach me something in my sleep, he definitely wants to talk to you when you’re awake!
I keep drifting away from the original point I was going to make. Albeit I made many, many poor choices in my life I regret so badly, and although I wasted my early youth trying to get my identity from the world and thus wasted time, Jesus had been living in my heart (at times in a dusty corner, I have to admit), and I grew a lot in those years. Otherwise, I would not be so enthusiastic about spreading the Word and offering my body as a living sacrifice2 to God every day. I went to freaking Italy to worship Him for three months, and in that time, thought patterns were broken, my soul was mended, and I found my true identity (that is not fully exploited yet) NOT because I pursued to be healed and restored day and night, but because he was gracious to me. My goal was to worship Him with all my heart and draw near to Him, and in this secret place, I was met with more than I could have asked for. And he has not been slowing down a tiny bit since then. Day after day I can see His goodness both on the mountain and in the valley. I receive wise councils and insights daily, and my hunger is only increasing. This is my real adolescence. I am going through the spiritual teenage years now, and I hope they never end. And I may sometimes drop a cup like I was four years old, or I might do something stupid (all in a spiritual sense) that would later be embarrassing to admit, but I know who I am and who I am living for. With great anticipation (and hope that allows me to be patient) I am looking forward to the Day of the Lord, attempting to live purposefully and sacrificially all whilst embracing my full kingdom identity in Christ Jesus. And this perspective changes everything.
Blessings 👑
Okay, I did not plan for the ending to be this Second-Peter-chapter-three-ish, but I like it. Brothers and sisters, let me embolden you even further today: God is good all the time, He has plans to prosper you (and not to harm you), He hears every prayer and He cares so much about you. If He dresses the fields with flowers that trump the splendor of Salomon, how much more will He clothe you and care for you? If you need more verses to help you embrace kingdom identity or simply to believe that you are loved and cherished, I have noted some below :) Other than that: I cherish YOU dearly, thank you so much for bearing with me and for your constant feedback, it means the world to me. Until next time! Go out and be the church. God bless you. <3
– Nic
🎧 Song for inspiration: Phil Wickham - It's Always Been You
🎹 Peaceful prayer music that I discovered recently and absolutely love: Jonathan Odgen
📖 Scriptures: Psa 23; Psa 103; Psa 73:23-28; Psa 52:8-9; Psa 139:13-14; Isa 41:10; Isa 43:1-7,18-19; Rom 8; Rom 9:20-21; John 1:12-13; Eph 1:3-14, 18; Eph 2:10; Eph 3:16-21; Eph 4:1-7; Eph 6:10-18; Gal 2:20; Col 3:1-3, 12-14; John 10:10; 2 Cor 5:7, 17; Pro 19:21; Gal 1:10; Gen 1:27; 2 Tim 1:7; 1 Pet 2:1-5, 9; 2 Cor 10:5, 12:9; Isa 40:29; Luke 1:45; Jam 4:7; 1 Sam 16:7; Rom 6:18; Rom 12:2; Gal 4:7; and many more.
I went to church every Sunday of my entire life with rare exceptions due to sickness, a family event, or the days when church was on Saturday. I was baptized at age 12, not being able to wait any longer to fully commit to Jesus. I went to musical camps for years, I experienced tons of miracles right in front of my eyes. So I knew that the Lord was powerful.
One thing I would like to specify: I am not saying that I did not love Jesus before this year (2022), I obviously did. Otherwise, you would not have seen me in youth weekends, musical camps, on the worship team, or in the children’s ministry. I went and continue to go there voluntarily :D
Romans 12:1